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    1275 W Granada Blvd, 6A, Ormond Beach, FL 32174
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    Email Kathleen: kcoughlinlcsw@gmail.com

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    1275 W Granada Blvd, 6A, Ormond Beach, FL 32174
    Counseling Referral UpLift: (877) 594-8033
    Email Referrals: help@joinuplift.co
    Contact Kathleen: (610) 248-0059
    Email Kathleen: kcoughlinlcsw@gmail.com Fax: 386-492-3590

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    Coparenting and Divorce

    Coparenting 101

    September 4, 2021

    One of the most difficult transitions in life to face is perhaps a divorce or separation from a partner with whom you have children.  This is where Coparenting 101 will help support parents in raising a well-adjusted child.  Divorce or separation can be painful for the parents and children.  Children are looking to their parents […]

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    Coparenting 101

    September 4, 2021

    Children of Divorce

    One of the most difficult transitions in life to face is perhaps a divorce or separation from a partner with whom you have children.  This is where Coparenting 101 will help support parents in raising a well-adjusted child.  Divorce or separation can be painful for the parents and children.  Children are looking to their parents for emotional reassurance. No matter their age, the separation of one’s parents is a difficult challenge to face.  It can also be challenging to co-parent with an ex-partner.

    Work Together As Parents

    The truth is, if the children are young, you have many years ahead of you of working through the potentially awkward, definitely uncomfortable unyielding, and the formidable realm of parenting responsibilities. Co-parenting requires empathy, patience, and open communication for success. Despite the difficulty, it is crucial that you and your co-parent are on the same page.  It is important to work together when it comes to parenting strategies with little ones and teens alike.  Here are some best practices to keep in mind when planning your parenting strategy.

    Interactive Coparenting Techniques

    Communicate Consistently

    Arrange to do this through whichever medium works best for your family, be it email, texting, letters, or face-to-face conversation. There are even some apps you can download directly to your phone where you can upload schedules, share information, and communicate with parents. However, It is imperative that your child is not used as the primary source of information.

    Rules Between Homes

    Children thrive under routine and structure, especially when in the midst of a confusing divorce or separation. Issues like mealtime, bedtime, and completing chores should be consistent. This sense of security and predictability for children will help to protect against future manipulation and pitting co-parents against one another. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.

    Commit to Positive Talk

    Model for your children that you wish for them to have a positive relationship with the other parent. Make it a rule to not talk disrespectfully about the other parent.  With your extended family make sure that they are aware that negative talk is not allowed around the children.  Focusing on the positive qualities of your co-parent will also allow your children to do the same. Times of great transition in our lives are also times of great learning, for both you and your children. The transition will test the depth of your maturity and patience. Your children will need you there to support them as they deal with painful emotions. As always, remember that despite the pain of the separation or divorce, you are the parent, and it is your job to rise above the temptations that may present themselves.

    Do not expose children to conflict

    Of course, the pain of separation will be tough on you, and it is absolutely fine for you to seek support (or therapy of your own). However, no matter how good of a listener they are, your child does not need to be subject to the emotionally charged issues surrounding the divorce or separation. Research shows that allowing children to be in the middle of adult issues promotes a sense of helplessness and insecurity. This rule also stands for attempting to use your children as bartering chips in an all-out war.  Coparenting 101 encourages the parents to talk with one another and now place the children in the middle of the conflict.

    Balanced Vs. Unbalanced Parent

    Resist the temptation to be the “cool parent” when your children are with you. This tends to only serve to create a cycle of resentment, hostility, and resistance to rules that will surely become an issue later on in life. By allowing your child to wiggle out of responsibility, you might get the desired result at first, but it turns out you are creating more challenges for your children in the long run. Consistency is key in successful transitions from household to household.  Coparenting 101- get down to the basics and coparent for the best interest of your children.

    Communicate, do not jump to conclusions

    When you get word of something your co-parent did from your children, take a breath and remain quiet. Remember that it’s always good to remain neutral when things like this happen, as your child can learn to resent and distrust you if you cheer them on. On this note, pursue clarification with your co-parent if an aspect of their parenting style is troubling to you.

    Set yourself up for success

    If it is difficult to have constructive conversations with the other parent because of your history together, think of it as a working business relationship. Use those positive communication skills, and practice the message you want to get across without pointing fingers or blaming them into a defensive stance where little will get accomplished.

    Do not give in to guilt – It is easy to see how tempting it may be to allow negative feelings about not being in your child’s life on a full-time basis, or for putting them in a difficult situation to easily convert into acts of overindulgence to “make up” for a “broken home”. Learn how to express empathy for your children and their feelings about the situation, but set limits and remain consistent. Research shows that without limits, children can become self-centered, lack empathy, and be left unrestrained, which will lead to an inflated sense of entitlement.

    Work Together Vs. Work Against One

    If it has not become abundantly apparent, working through a separation and figuring out how to co-parent well is decidedly one of the most important events that will impact the development of a child. Equally apparent is the amount of willpower and strength it requires to lead your children through such a challenge into healthy adjustment. You may find it helpful to recruit a counselor who has helped countless families navigate these very same waters either to help process your feelings about the separation or to help establish a co-parenting strategy with the other parent.

    We are here to teach you the Coparenting 101 skills and support your family during this transition.  Please call our office at 610-248-0059 to schedule an appointment today.

    This blog was written and prepared by Rachel O’Connor.

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anxiety, communication, coparent counseling pa, coparent counseling virginia, coparenting, counseling, depression, divorce, family mediation, mediation, ocean vista counseling, parent coordination, parent coordination st johns county, parenting coordination volusia county, parenting plan, separation, single parent, stress, therapy

    Telehealth Counseling COVID 19

    Your Mental Health During COVID 19

    April 1, 2020

    We have put together a list of some tips to manage your mental health during COVID 19.  Current events can add unnecessary stress to our lives, especially if you are someone that worries about the status of the world in general. News and media meant to provide information can lead to excessive worry and fear. […]

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    Your Mental Health During COVID 19

    April 1, 2020

    We have put together a list of some tips to manage your mental health during COVID 19.  Current events can add unnecessary stress to our lives, especially if you are someone that worries about the status of the world in general. News and media meant to provide information can lead to excessive worry and fear. An abundance of social media posts from friends and family can add to the stress that may overwhelm and impact our emotional health.

    If you are starting your day with news that causes fear and stress, spending free time scrolling through social media posts, having minimal social interactions, you may find that your nervous system in a constant state of arousal. This can lead to anxiety and cause disruptions in our sleep patterns.  Our immune system can be compromised when our bodies struggle to find ways to wind down. In order to stay healthy and do what you can to take care of your mental health, find ways to calm your system and clear your mind.  You might be asking how can we calm down our bodies and anxious thoughts during a time of stress and uncertainty?

    1. Get some exercise. Take a walk. You don’t have to touch anyone or anything. Spend some time moving around. Get some Vitamin D from the sunlight and try to clear your thoughts. You may want to listen to music or a podcast. Try to walk or ride a bike and notice the fresh air, listen to the sounds of nature, and enjoy yourself. Use this time to lower the amount of information that you are bombarded with. Notice what is around you. The grass will continue growing and the flowers will bloom even when so much feels out of our control. 
    2. If you choose not to go outside, you can move around inside the house. Whether you find an at-home workout online or just walk around the house more.  If you have mobility challenges, you can also do stretches from a seated position.  Moving helps release the stress that your body is holding. Take ten minutes to stretch, breathing deeply while you do so. As you stretch your muscles and breathe into the movement, imagine your breath moving through your muscles and releasing the tension that you have been holding onto.
    3. Focus on what you can control, not what is out of your control. You cannot control that the virus happened. You cannot force others to abide by CDC and government recommendations. You CAN choose to limit your interaction with news or posts that increase your stress. You can practice the suggested hygiene habits. You are in control of how you interact with others and if you decide to avoid gatherings and public places.
    4. Create something. Color a coloring sheet, draw a picture, paint, or find things around your house that you can use to make some kind of craft. This gives you a sense of control, productivity, as well as a creative outlet.
    5. Eat something delicious. If you have more time available, you might have time to make a nice meal. Enjoy it! Try to eat some vegetables to nourish your body and fuel your immune system while you’re at it.
    6. Take your medicine as prescribed. If you are on any medications, make sure that you have your prescriptions filled and are taking your medications as prescribed. If you are having any issues, call the physician that prescribed the medication or call your pharmacy.
    7. Drink enough water. Staying home seems like a time to drink whatever you feel like, but make sure to be caring for your mind and body by staying hydrated.  In an effort to keep your immune system strong, it is important to stay hydrated and eat well.  Practicing both will help you manage your mental health during COVID-19.
    8. Realize that social distancing does not mean social isolation. Call your friends and family. You can utilize applications like Facetime, Google Hangouts, or Whats App to keep in contact with family members. Spend time with anyone that you live with. Smile or wave at others if you are outside.  Isolation can lead to depression, anxiety, or negative feelings. We can continue to interact with friends and family members by using the applications listed above to check in.
    9. Take advantage of the extra time. Fewer social obligations means that you have more time for personal projects around your home. Spring cleaning, painting, going through some old clothes that you can donate.  Clearing clutter can often be a way to help clear your mind and feel a little bit better about the day.
    10. Find ways to give back. Bring prepared food to someone that may be homebound or older. Donate some items. Send someone a nice card. By doing something for someone else it may help distract you, generating feelings of positivity and connectedness.
    11. Seek Telehealth Counseling Support.  If you need someone to talk to during this stressful time it may be helpful to reach out for professional counseling.  Telehealth Counseling is available.  Managing your mental health during COVID-19 is vital to keep yourself healthy. Telehealth Counseling may be approved by your insurance company during this time.  Please feel free to contact our office directly at 610-248-0059 or by Email: Kcoughlnlcsw@gmail.com.

    To learn more about the Online Telehealth Counseling Program at Ocean Vista Counseling please click here.

    To learn more about COVID-19 please visit the Centers for Disease Control by clicking here.

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: counseling, COVID-19, mental health awareness, telehealth counseling, therapy

    1275 W Granada Blvd, 6A
    Ormond Beach, FL 32174

    UpLift Referrals:(877) 594-8033
    UpLift Email help@joinuplift.co

    Kathleen Phone: (610) 248-0059
    Kathleen Email: kcoughlinlcsw@gmail.com

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    Kathleen Coughlin, LCSW
    Licensed Clinical Social Worker
    Behavioral Health Consultant

    Counseling Referral UpLift: (877) 594-8033
    Email Referrals: help@joinuplift.co

    Contact Kathleen: (610) 248-0059
    Email Kathleen: kcoughlinlcsw@gmail.com


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