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One of the most difficult transitions in life to face is perhaps a divorce or separation from a partner with whom you have children. This is where Coparenting 101 will help support parents in raising a well-adjusted child. Divorce or separation can be painful for the parents and children. Children are looking to their parents […]
One of the most difficult transitions in life to face is perhaps a divorce or separation from a partner with whom you have children. This is where Coparenting 101 will help support parents in raising a well-adjusted child. Divorce or separation can be painful for the parents and children. Children are looking to their parents for emotional reassurance. No matter their age, the separation of one’s parents is a difficult challenge to face. It can also be challenging to co-parent with an ex-partner.
The truth is, if the children are young, you have many years ahead of you of working through the potentially awkward, definitely uncomfortable unyielding, and the formidable realm of parenting responsibilities. Co-parenting requires empathy, patience, and open communication for success. Despite the difficulty, it is crucial that you and your co-parent are on the same page. It is important to work together when it comes to parenting strategies with little ones and teens alike. Here are some best practices to keep in mind when planning your parenting strategy.
Arrange to do this through whichever medium works best for your family, be it email, texting, letters, or face-to-face conversation. There are even some apps you can download directly to your phone where you can upload schedules, share information, and communicate with parents. However, It is imperative that your child is not used as the primary source of information.
Children thrive under routine and structure, especially when in the midst of a confusing divorce or separation. Issues like mealtime, bedtime, and completing chores should be consistent. This sense of security and predictability for children will help to protect against future manipulation and pitting co-parents against one another. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.
Model for your children that you wish for them to have a positive relationship with the other parent. Make it a rule to not talk disrespectfully about the other parent. With your extended family make sure that they are aware that negative talk is not allowed around the children. Focusing on the positive qualities of your co-parent will also allow your children to do the same. Times of great transition in our lives are also times of great learning, for both you and your children. The transition will test the depth of your maturity and patience. Your children will need you there to support them as they deal with painful emotions. As always, remember that despite the pain of the separation or divorce, you are the parent, and it is your job to rise above the temptations that may present themselves.
Of course, the pain of separation will be tough on you, and it is absolutely fine for you to seek support (or therapy of your own). However, no matter how good of a listener they are, your child does not need to be subject to the emotionally charged issues surrounding the divorce or separation. Research shows that allowing children to be in the middle of adult issues promotes a sense of helplessness and insecurity. This rule also stands for attempting to use your children as bartering chips in an all-out war. Coparenting 101 encourages the parents to talk with one another and now place the children in the middle of the conflict.
Resist the temptation to be the “cool parent” when your children are with you. This tends to only serve to create a cycle of resentment, hostility, and resistance to rules that will surely become an issue later on in life. By allowing your child to wiggle out of responsibility, you might get the desired result at first, but it turns out you are creating more challenges for your children in the long run. Consistency is key in successful transitions from household to household. Coparenting 101- get down to the basics and coparent for the best interest of your children.
When you get word of something your co-parent did from your children, take a breath and remain quiet. Remember that it’s always good to remain neutral when things like this happen, as your child can learn to resent and distrust you if you cheer them on. On this note, pursue clarification with your co-parent if an aspect of their parenting style is troubling to you.
If it is difficult to have constructive conversations with the other parent because of your history together, think of it as a working business relationship. Use those positive communication skills, and practice the message you want to get across without pointing fingers or blaming them into a defensive stance where little will get accomplished.
Do not give in to guilt – It is easy to see how tempting it may be to allow negative feelings about not being in your child’s life on a full-time basis, or for putting them in a difficult situation to easily convert into acts of overindulgence to “make up” for a “broken home”. Learn how to express empathy for your children and their feelings about the situation, but set limits and remain consistent. Research shows that without limits, children can become self-centered, lack empathy, and be left unrestrained, which will lead to an inflated sense of entitlement.
If it has not become abundantly apparent, working through a separation and figuring out how to co-parent well is decidedly one of the most important events that will impact the development of a child. Equally apparent is the amount of willpower and strength it requires to lead your children through such a challenge into healthy adjustment. You may find it helpful to recruit a counselor who has helped countless families navigate these very same waters either to help process your feelings about the separation or to help establish a co-parenting strategy with the other parent.
We are here to teach you the Coparenting 101 skills and support your family during this transition. Please call our office at 610-248-0059 to schedule an appointment today.
This blog was written and prepared by Rachel O’Connor.
We are all experiencing the psychological impact of COVID-19 during this uncertain time locally and globally. Individually, people are experiencing an emotional impact based on the life changes occurring around them. We can remain socially united as a community by supporting one another during this global crisis. Common Terms: Social Isolation, Self-Isolation, Social Distancing and […]
We are all experiencing the psychological impact of COVID-19 during this uncertain time locally and globally. Individually, people are experiencing an emotional impact based on the life changes occurring around them. We can remain socially united as a community by supporting one another during this global crisis.
The terms Social Isolation, Self-Isolation, Social Distancing, and Physical Separation, have changed how we interact with one another. Many people have gone from working full-time to being furloughed or laid off. Others have gone from working in an office environment to being socially isolated working from home.
Psychological Impact COVID-19 can take a toll on your emotional health and the emotional health of loved ones. Common psychological symptoms and reactions may include: anxiety, depression, fear of leaving the house, excessive worry, feeling overwhelmed, increased substance use, loneliness, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, racing thoughts, social withdrawal, sleep issues, stress, and other symptoms. Moderate to severe symptoms include: suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, completed suicide, increased substance use and abuse, post-traumatic stress responses, self-harming behavior, and substance abuse overdoses. Focus on prevention, if you know someone experiencing an increase in mental health symptoms. Listen with an empathetic ear, show care and compassion, and connect them with professional supports.
The general population is experiencing symptoms of depression, fear, and anxiety based on the global pandemic. Other families are experiencing a deeper trauma losing a loved one to the COVID-19 virus. Due to the health & safety of patients, hospitals have needed to limit visitors in the facility. In some cases family members are not able to be present physically to console loved ones in their final moments. This is very difficult for the patient and their family members, leaving living relatives with complex grief and trauma. Health Care Providers have been going the extra mile to console patients and connect family members through FaceTime to say their final goodbyes.
To continue to curb the spread of the virus, we continue to practice social distancing. Consider the doctors, nurses, and essential workers that are risking their own health every day. These providers are working diligently to save lives, they are also experiencing their own psychological impact from their careers. It is our civic duty to follow the recommendations of the healthcare community. These professionals continue to work each day to combat this global pandemic.
Practice an Attitude of Gratitude, Live Your Life with Intention, and Purpose. This pause in our country has given us time to evaluate what is important. We now may have more free time that can be used to explore healthy self-care strategies. Consider new opportunities where we can make intentional decisions about our future.
We all wish to return to life as we knew it. The psychological impact is strong and impacts people of all ages. Make an effort to reach out to your neighbor. Say hello to someone when you pass them on your bike or smile at a stranger. Even a simple smile may be meaningful to a person that does not have any other social contact. Many people are experiencing loneliness and intense grief and loss.
Focus on mental health wellness, check your psychological pulse, and monitor your symptoms. Develop a routine by getting enough sleep, maintaining healthy nutrition, and carving out time for exercise.
Be creative and increase social contact virtually with family and friends during this period of social isolation. We can reach out to family and friends by phone calls, text messages, or FaceTime. Schedule a virtual trivia night or dinner by using applications like Zoom, Houseparty, or Google Duo.
What will be your new normal? This is a question that will be answered over time and it will be different for each person. During this time, stay strong, reach out to your support system, and monitor your psychological pulse.
There are multiple ways to receive access to mental health and substance abuse counseling. Ask your Human Resources Department if they have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). These programs offer FREE Telehealth Counseling sessions for employees and their family members. Telehealth Counseling is also offered as a service by most private insurance companies. You can contact a local Licensed Counselor to schedule a Telehealth Counseling appointment.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline offers a 24/7 free and confidential service -1-800-273-8255. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers a free and confidential helpline for people struggling with addiction or mental health concerns – 800-662-4357. If you require immediate psychiatric intervention, please dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
To learn more about the counseling services offered at our office please visit our Telehealth Counseling Page.